Development of ‘Last Day’
Posted by lps84 on 19th November 2008
Week 8 Assignment – REVISION OF WORK: post entry on how to develop hypertext photo story (or other piece if preferred).
Here are my thoughts on the development of Last Day
Aspects of the hypertext that work well:
- The first person viewpoint enables the reader to experience the journey through the narrator’s eyes.
- The linked poems allow further insight into the observations of the narrator, and provide a different aspect to the main story.
- The sense of waiting conforms to the reader’s experience – the action waits while they explore the links.
- The image draws the reader immediately into the story.
Things that could be developed/improved:
- I could add more links, to pages that contain sub-plots to the story, or describe the setting.
- I could possibly add links that use comments from people observing the narrator.
- I like the idea of using links to factual websites about the area the story is set, to position the work of fiction in the real world. eg. Flinders Street Station
Critical Commentary:
When writing Last Day, I was very aware of the way that hypertext has the ability to tell a story from mulitple viewpoints. In the narrator’s journey, I wanted to create a feeling of movement, alongside a sense of waiting and observation. To achieve this, I decided to let the narrative develop along the narrator’s journey within the main body of text. This enabled me to create links from different points within the story, where each moment of reflection could be detailed.
I wanted to compliment the contrast in movement with a different narrative style. I believe that by writing short poems to capture each moment of waiting, the sense of observing and being still is enhanced. Poems have a quality of describing minute details, and the structure of each poem enables the pace of the narrative to be slowed, further enhancing the effect of stillness.
I believe I can develop my story in several ways. I could add more links to the existing narrative, which may describe the setting more accurately, and possibly use links to factual websites to help with this. I could also continue the story, and introduce links that use a different point of view. For example, I could add details of another character’s observations of the narrator, which would have the effect of turning the narrative inside out, as the reader is given both internal and external detail about the first person narrator – something that is very difficult to achieve in non-hypertext fiction.
The non-linear format of this genre allows for multiple perspectives, and also for a certain amount of disjointedness, especially in terms of time and place. I believe I could possibly use these features in order to explore the theme of this story in a more expansive manner.
angliawebwriting said
thanks Lee, this is a model response with some clearly defined points that you then summarise well.
Two suggestions:
(1) re more description – since this is very much through the narrator’s (first person) eyes, as you point out, I wonder how much description is appropriate. If you do describe surroundings/contexts in more detail, you should be careful to do this from this character’s point of view. That is, he will notice his (to him, familiar) surroundings in terms of associations or events, memories etc.
(2) The idea of including material from other points of view/characters is interesting, but difficult to bring off in a short piece without losing direction – perhaps multiple perspectives from the same character (flashback/forward for instance)?
It would be well worth developing this story – but do be careful not to lose the rather mysterious air of ‘things unsaid’. In my opinion this is a big part of its success.
Katharine
tannytantan said
I would really like to see another character’s viewpoint. It may be difficult to make it work, but I think you’re up to it! This could add to the mystery of why it is a last day, or perhaps another character’s last day could be shown, with their last day being completely different; giving a contrast.
I think that the mundane nature of your character’s observations is in stark contrast to the poems. I think that this is because reading poetry is a very different experience to reading prose; readers have to engage more in poetry, whereas prose washes over us more. I hope you know what I’m trying to say!
I don’t think you need to add more scene descriptions. Personally I would like to get more of an insight into the character – so another character observing them and describing them might be more interesting. Just a thought.